[ love is a red-hot brand against the skin. it's a sharp blade against the soft parts of the throat, against the pale curve of an exposed belly. for june, it's a well-honed knife, unerring in its mark every time it cuts into meat of his mortal frame. june always bleeds, the pain a benediction and a balm to the cut-up remains of his heart. his poor, fragile heart — it's an twisted, shriveled drupe that no one could possibly want. how many people have left him behind? how many have said the words, never meaning them in all the times the words have passed their lips?
june knows better than to believe. he knows better than to pretend.
and yet, with saiph's hand finding him and drawing him to attention, june buys into the illusion once more.
his free hand moves to press against the soaked folds of saiph's clothes, chasing after the man even when his attentions move away from his mouth and down to the cradle of his shoulder. he leaves a kiss against saiph's temple, gets a mouthful of hair through the sheets of water cascading down around them. what little air that's been left in him has lodged itself high in chest, choking him with the fondness of an old friend, and june wants to much to touch that the ache in his ribs does nothing to keep him from pushing against saiph's grip.
june's free hand finds its place at the back of saiph's neck, and it stays there, firm and insistent. let me reach you, he wants to say. let me feel your skin against mine. he gasps against the combined pressure of forming bruises and saiph's hand on him, his gift coming awake spreading out of him without his permission. it turns the liquid heat pooling low in his belly into gasoline, igniting with every pass of saiph's hand on him and lighting him up like a housefire.
in the end, he fumbles with the buttons of saiph's shirt. the water cools his fingers, makes them shake, and he manages to tear the fabric by accident when he pulls too hard. it's worth it when june manages to peel the cloth back enough to be able to lay his hand against the other's sternum, to finally come in contact with the other's bare skin. he wants—
he wants so much more than this. june doesn't know where to start. he doesn't know how to ask. ]
[ sometimes, in the quiet dark of his apartment, saiph curves around june's back like the slotting pieces of a well-worn puzzle and fucks him sweet and slow. it's in those particular moments where he doesn't touch him and instead leaves june to squirm against the mattress, thrusting helplessly into tangled sheets 'til he's choking on dry, shuddering sobs. then later: june's knees bracketing his shoulders and saiph's teeth high on his thigh, his tongue curling past tight, fluttering muscle, tasting himself on june's skin.
other times june is gone for weeks or months, and saiph fucks him to bruise him, scatters him across the walls of his kitchen or over an empty bar in his casino after everyone's left for the night. june's orgasms are wrenched from him then, with saiph's hand wringing tight around his cock, asking him if he missed him, if he thought of him at all, did you let anyone else fuck you like how i fuck you, did you taste me in everyone you kissed.
this time is different.
this isn't saiph choking on petty bitterness, swallowing around the bile of every terrible bit of humanity that's been forced on him in punishment, nor is it the touch of a lover looking to rechart familiar territory. june fumbles with his shirt, his hand warm on saiph's skin, and saiph stops him with fingers around his wrist, lifting his arm to press an open-mouthed kiss to the center of his palm, chasing the droplets of water between his fingers with his tongue. ]
Let me.
[ let me take care of you, let me be good for you for once, as he turns him to face the wall and press him flush against the cold tile. his hand returns to its place between his thighs, thumb dragging a firm circle around the head of his cock, touching him in steady strokes; his mouth drops to the nape of his neck, nose in june's damp hair.
if he asks, he'll fuck him — because when has saiph ever denied him anything — but for now he focuses on the shivering warmth of june's body and the matching of their heartbeats. ]
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june knows better than to believe. he knows better than to pretend.
and yet, with saiph's hand finding him and drawing him to attention, june buys into the illusion once more.
his free hand moves to press against the soaked folds of saiph's clothes, chasing after the man even when his attentions move away from his mouth and down to the cradle of his shoulder. he leaves a kiss against saiph's temple, gets a mouthful of hair through the sheets of water cascading down around them. what little air that's been left in him has lodged itself high in chest, choking him with the fondness of an old friend, and june wants to much to touch that the ache in his ribs does nothing to keep him from pushing against saiph's grip.
june's free hand finds its place at the back of saiph's neck, and it stays there, firm and insistent. let me reach you, he wants to say. let me feel your skin against mine. he gasps against the combined pressure of forming bruises and saiph's hand on him, his gift coming awake spreading out of him without his permission. it turns the liquid heat pooling low in his belly into gasoline, igniting with every pass of saiph's hand on him and lighting him up like a housefire.
in the end, he fumbles with the buttons of saiph's shirt. the water cools his fingers, makes them shake, and he manages to tear the fabric by accident when he pulls too hard. it's worth it when june manages to peel the cloth back enough to be able to lay his hand against the other's sternum, to finally come in contact with the other's bare skin. he wants—
he wants so much more than this. june doesn't know where to start. he doesn't know how to ask. ]
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other times june is gone for weeks or months, and saiph fucks him to bruise him, scatters him across the walls of his kitchen or over an empty bar in his casino after everyone's left for the night. june's orgasms are wrenched from him then, with saiph's hand wringing tight around his cock, asking him if he missed him, if he thought of him at all, did you let anyone else fuck you like how i fuck you, did you taste me in everyone you kissed.
this time is different.
this isn't saiph choking on petty bitterness, swallowing around the bile of every terrible bit of humanity that's been forced on him in punishment, nor is it the touch of a lover looking to rechart familiar territory. june fumbles with his shirt, his hand warm on saiph's skin, and saiph stops him with fingers around his wrist, lifting his arm to press an open-mouthed kiss to the center of his palm, chasing the droplets of water between his fingers with his tongue. ]
Let me.
[ let me take care of you, let me be good for you for once, as he turns him to face the wall and press him flush against the cold tile. his hand returns to its place between his thighs, thumb dragging a firm circle around the head of his cock, touching him in steady strokes; his mouth drops to the nape of his neck, nose in june's damp hair.
if he asks, he'll fuck him — because when has saiph ever denied him anything — but for now he focuses on the shivering warmth of june's body and the matching of their heartbeats. ]